Letting go… those two words feel like a slow exhale after holding your breath for too long.

They conjure up images that are both luminous and ominous. We can experience both simultaneously and it isn’t always graceful.

We’ve all been there… about the many things we choose to let go of, and the many things we must let go of. That balance between the deliberate and the inevitable produces two very different kinds of release. I believe that depending on the circumstance, one teaches us to act, and the other to learn to accept. Deliberate letting go is a choice. Inevitable letting go arrives uninvited. Balance is found in the grace to move forward whether with intention or acceptance, and to trust that either way, we’re being reshaped for what’s next.

Letting go of old grudges and resentments once we realize they cost us peace of mind is a good thing. Also; habits we’ve outgrown, and of course, relationships that no longer align with our values. It comes with ambiguous moments when it’s not always clear whether letting go is right, or whether we’re abandoning something too soon.

Then life hands us endings we didn’t choose. People we lose through passing, change or distance. Losing someone you love through death is the worst kind of ending. There’s no controlling that outcome and no turning back. Sometimes it’s health related, although I’m a firm believer of being able to control our health to a large extent through diet and a stress-free lifestyle. There are the opportunities that vanish before we have a chance to change the outcome. The only things beyond our control are youth and time. Everything else is negotiable.

Sometimes letting go feels like being pulled apart, only to be stitched together again with completely different threads. But it’s almost always a kind of rebirth, even when it’s messy. The feelings of estrangement and unfamiliar clarity that come with new changes can also open doors to resilience and reinvention.

Through all the letting go in my life that has come from either a great loss or the relief of a welcomed new beginning, I’ve always had a knack for re-inventing myself to accommodate the new circumstances. Some people are better at this than others. It doesn’t take away the pain, it just gives you an opportunity for a different kind of freedom.

For me personally, for where I’m at right now, letting go is about making space. It’s about making room for something better aligned with who I am at this moment in time.

Space for new people, fresh ideas, ~~clothes~~ …growth. An overall feeling of lightness and freedom. I want my inner world to feel as rich as my outer one. I feel like I’m stepping into a new version of myself. A stronger, healthier version, albeit with a quiet acceptance that doesn’t need fixing or forcing. There’s more of a flow and a trust that life will unfold the way it’s supposed to organically, rather than trying to bend it to my will. That’s what I’m telling myself and since repeated thoughts can form beliefs, and beliefs influence actions, over time they become reality.

Here’s something that resonated with me because it’s not always easy to let go of something beyond our control (I’ve had it for a while but cannot remember where I found it).

We spend our lives trying to anchor our transience in some illusion of permanence and stability. We lay plans, we make vows, we backbone the flow of uncertainty with habits and routines that lull us with the comforting dream of predictability and control, only to find ourselves again and again bent at the knees with surrender to forces and events vastly larger than us. In those moments, kneeling in a pool of the unknown, the heart breaks open and allows life; life itself, not the representation of life, that comes from control, to rush in.

Let your heart be broken: Life and Music from a classical composer – Tina Davidson

Notes:

“If you’re already familiar with my blog, thank you for checking in. I do appreciate it. These “musings” from the margins of my mind, give me an opportunity to share a deeper side of myself that does not always (or ever) come through in my regular blog posts revolving around style, food and fun. This is, after all, a Life and Style blog. From the in-betweens of everyday life, this space holds thoughts that wander, questions without answers, and reflections on what it means to simply be. It’s unpolished, personal, and often quietly profound. I hope you enjoy exploring the challenging depths we all carry. On another note:

In my Vancouver book club, we were all on the same page (pun intended) so to speak, by choosing books that would help provide some grounding wisdom and direction when life felt uncertain or overwhelming. We were going through similar feelings and it was good to share thoughts and pages with like-minded people.

For instance; our first book BITTERSWEET by Susan Cain – helped to get us through a grief period. Next came LETTING GO: The Pathway of Surrender” by Dr. David R. Hawkins – to help seek emotional healing. The book blends clinical insight with spiritual depth, making it useful for everyday challenges like stress, relationships, and self-worth. It was a great follow-up after “Bittersweet.”

One of its most quoted lines is: “Letting go involves being aware of a feeling, letting it come up, staying with it, and letting it run its course without wanting to make it different or do anything about it.” (Easier read than done).

Then we had enough of all that self growth re moving forward. We graduated to a book that explains us all: SAPIENS: A Brief History of Humankind by Yuval Noah Harari – a fast-paced journey through human history; from ancient foragers to modern-day tech. It’s a mix of history, science, and philosophy, all wrapped in a thought-provoking narrative.

Now on to the next chapter…

How about you? Is there something you’ve had to move on from recently?

A New Year – A New Story

I find this timely piece written by Life Advisor Suzannah Galland to be totally inspiring. Galland uses a combination of intuition, numerology, and general “knowing” to help her clients recognize blind spots and acknowledge the truth—which they often already know but don’t want to believe. Below, she explains how we hold ourselves back by clinging to the energy of old relationships and traumas.

The Year of Moving the Present Forward

As another year closes and a new year makes itself known, we’re inspired to reminisce about the past and lay claim to what we want in the upcoming months and years. Yet, when we look back, many of us may find ourselves pretty much in the same place we were in years past—at least in certain areas of our life. We still haven’t met our dream partner, lost those 10 pounds, or risen in our career as much as we’d hoped. We can name our New Year’s resolutions till we’re blue in the face, but if we approach our life the same way as we always have, we can expect the same results. If our results have been disappointing, why not do something different? Why not move the present forward?

Moving the present forward is another way of saying drop the baggage and manifest the life you want. The only way to do this is to work with what you’ve got now—and to keep your head out of the past.

Manifestation is nothing new. The practice of intentionally creating what you want by visualizing it and feeling its energy has been around for thousands of years. It’s not hard. It’s not even time consuming. Yet most of us don’t do it. It’s possible we’re afraid of getting what we want (we might fear that we still won’t be happy). We might not honestly know what we want and, uncommitted, we put out a wishy-washy lackluster energy that peters out before it reaches the universal flow. But more likely than not (as I see this with almost all of my clients), we’re carrying too much of our past with us into the future. Of all the hold-ups to living the dream, excess baggage is the biggest culprit.

Baggage includes all our resentments, self-pity, and victim mentality—all the negative thoughts and beliefs we mutter to ourselves day in and day out. We’re too fat to date an attractive man, we’re too inexperienced to get the job, we failed last time so why try again. Combined, and over time, these thoughts and beliefs create our overall energy—the vibration level we project to the world. Maybe we had a horrid past or maybe we can’t seem to let go of an old love. We harbor these negative thoughts or resentments, and in doing so we lower our vibration level. Over time, we become our baggage. We’re consumed by it.

The Meter

Women have what I like to call creep meters. When a man enters a room or talks to us, we immediately get a sense of whether he’s got good mojo or is stalker looking for prey. We may not always trust or allow ourselves to tune into the reading, but we have it. We’re able to sense, or read, the energy vibration of another.

In truth, everyone has a meter, and we’re capable of reading more than just creeps. We sense when someone’s vibration is strong and in tune with the universe, and these are the people we want to be around. We’re drawn to them. They feel charismatic. We want to be near them. When the creep meter goes off the charts, on the other hand, we’re repelled. We can’t wait to leave the room.

Everyone has an energy vibration, and everyone is responsible for sustaining or strengthening their vibration. We are, in effect, walking balls of energy, showing the world each and every day what we’re made of. Our vibration level is a kind of personal branding. One subconscious feel of our vibration and people sense our authenticity, our mood, and more. We can show up at the table looking and feeling gorgeous and sexy, blindsiding our date momentarily. But we can’t conceal our vibration forever. Once our date sees past his libido, he’ll sense the real vibration. If it’s below his, he’ll lose interest and, sex appeal or no sex appeal, he’s out the door.

If we’re not attracting what we want, we need to increase our vibration. Good, good, good…good vibrations (the Beach Boys)!

High energy is less consumed by past experiences. High vibration people live more in the present. They feel good about life. They don’t dwell for too long on the past, and only reference it when they need information. The people with little or no baggage don’t work harder, they don’t study longer, they aren’t sexier or more beautiful, and they don’t have any special talents. They are pretty much the same as people with baggage, except for a one percent distinction—high vibration people avoid bringing their past into their future. Instead, they move their present forward.

The New Year is the perfect time to resolve to manifest because, coincidentally, the only way to reach this glorious future self is to raise your vibration by taking a short stroll into the fabulous parts of your past. Keep this visit short and sweet so you don’t wander into dangerous territory. You want to intentionally (not as if you were on autopilot) remember an event or a moment that brought you joy or great pleasure. Forget about the painful memories. Don’t even go there. You want to carry the joy forward. Go there and go deep. Smell it, taste it, feel it. Most important, sustain the feeling.

I loved this Vegas show – photo: d. king

Here is an example of how you could rekindle some passion by reminiscing a kiss.

A kiss says it all. Do you remember that rush of excitement or falling in love in that moment? It just took you time to realize it, but it was all there in his first kiss. His touch told you right from the start he was crazy about you.

The more you do this, the more you will remember what you can have. You develop a certain confidence, a self-assuredness, which is key, and in no time you will feel compelled to voice out loud how you know a love mate is coming in 2016. You’ll have a new story, and, if anything, your mouth will be craving a kiss.

Why does this work? Physics has proved it: The brain doesn’t know what’s real or not real. It knows what you tell it, what you believe, what you feel. So why not take some editorial license to delete what isn’t working and create a heightened, more evolved you?

The Power of a New Story

My client Stephanie is a public relations consultant for a prestigious firm in New York City. “I’m so sad,” she said, sheepishly in our Skype session. “I had just met this guy Rob. He’s handsome with wavy dark hair and his eyes are so intense. He’s exceptionally smart…we couldn’t stop talking about this and that…we had so much in common. We saw each other a few times. I didn’t sleep with him. He’d been texting me all week. The other night we were back at my apartment and he broke out into a cold sweat and chills. He opted to leave and fast…that was Thursday…and now I haven’t heard from him for four days. I mean we were texting every day regularly, and you should see his words to me. I’ve just spent the whole night crying. I don’t know what to do.”

I felt her pain and understood her crisis. To me, it was clear that she was lapsing into her history of pain and rejection. I wanted to help her.

I asked her if she could Skype me a picture of him. No kidding, he was definitely handsome. I found myself magnetized by his soft green eyes. I could see what she saw in him. He was super sexy. I had an overwhelming sense that this relationship was not over. I started to remotely profile him. He was sincere, embarrassed by the other night for sure, and extremely keen on pursuing her. He felt melancholy and removed. Yet, what was stopping him? I had a hit that he was a reactor. By that I mean that Rob was sensitive to her energy. And Stephanie’s energy was consumed by her story of rejection, abandonment, and lost loves. So if he thought of her, he was repelled.

“Stephanie,” I said calmly, “when he thinks of you, he’ll feel your pain. It’s not something he’ll be consciously aware of. But energy travels. It’s more subliminal. I mean look at how you’re feeling now? You’re full of toxic goo. Let’s shift this energy and right now!” I exclaimed boldly. “Let’s create a different story and move this forward to create a better future.” I took a pause. “Tell me how it felt being with him the first night?”

“OMG” she said excitedly. Her smile lit up the screen. “He took me to a fabulous restaurant and brought me a scarf as a gift. He said, ‘I want you to sleep with this tonight and when I next see you, wear it for me. I will smell it and know it will have your scent all over it.’”

I asked her to find the pashmina and wrap it around herself. She was delighted to do this. As our session closed, she looked (and felt) positively radiant.

Within 30 minute she texted me: “Amazing. Just heard from Rob. He explained he was out of town and not feeling well.”

Stephanie was sold. She was focused on creating a new story and understood the ramifications firsthand of carrying around the past in the present.

Letting Go of Your Go-To Story

When the past comes into the present, you become tied to this story—your go-to story. In a sense, you become addicted to this story—to your past—and you end up making history with this unwanted story. If you continue to support that story, it becomes your definition of yourself. You bring it with you. Likewise, you transmit it to others. It comes with you to a romantic dinner, to bed, while having sex, taking meetings—wherever you go, your past sits with you, smack bang in the middle of everyone and everything. The trick is not to let it define you. Even though it happened, it’s gone; it’s the past. It’s no longer your story. Let go of the story and create a new one.

Create a new and better go-to story, and make 2016 an irresistible year. Happy New Year.

Suzannah Galland is not a typical Life Advisor. Her work combines her innovative MindSense Method™ with compelling strategic and tactical guidance. She uses intention profiling (“both those of the subject, and the intentions of people in their lives”) to give her clients immediate access to their desired results.

Suzannah is a licensed HeartMath coach, and licensed in Kinesiology by Brain Gym®. She also has Management & Leadership training from Cornell University’s certificate program in Executive Leadership.

Tag: letting go

Musings…Letting Go

The Power of a New Story – The Year of Moving the Present Forward