Contemplating fairy godmothers & happy endings

In Charles Perrault’s Cinderella, he concludes the tale with the cynical moral that no personal advantages will suffice without proper connections.

When I was very little I was certain that I saw a fairy sitting on my window ledge one morning and it whispered my name. When I ran to the window to take a closer look it flew away. Maybe it was just a grasshopper making a noise in the wind that sounded like my name, but I can still remember it vividly to this day. I like to believe it was telling me that it would look out for me.

I still believe in angels

When I was three I was in the back seat of a taxi cab and leaned on the door and fell out onto a busy street wearing one of my little frilly dresses (of course). My parents didn’t even notice right away ~~perhaps they planned it?~~ but I got up, brushed my dress off and started running like hell towards the car that dumped me. They were horrified as soon as they noticed me missing ~~the next day~~ a few seconds later. Our family doctor paid a visit to the house to check on me later that day and couldn’t believe my luck – not one single scratch and not a mark on the dress.

Then on another occasion as much as I loved to swim, I almost drowned. My mom caught me spinning around in the ocean waves (baby sitter nowhere to be seen) and pulled me out grasping for air just in the nick of time. The angels or the universe or a fairy godmother was looking out for me. I almost changed my name to Deberella.

So let’s just collect our thoughts here for a second:

This “Fairy Godmother,” whose whole purpose in life is to make Cinderella happy, showed up for the first time EVER in NINETEEN YEARS to spoil her with materialistic things, FOR A F*****NG DANCE, and it will all only last for a few hours? YOU GAVE THIS POOR ORPHAN HAPPINESS THAT WILL LAST SHORTER THAN A LORD OF THE RINGS MOVIE?

Like where was this Fairy Godmother when she was forced to scrub floors?