Contemplating the ART of a PERFECT BREAKUP

  Where were all the *red flags?  breakup5

Spoiler Alert: there is no such thing as the “perfect breakup.” There is however a better, nicer and more diplomatic way to deal with someone you plan to break up with. It’s all in the handling of the situation.  First and foremost, Compassion is key.breakup1 First you’ve got to let the person down easy (you never know if they’ll throw a tantrum, get violent, or worse, start crying uncontrollably). You never know these things so it’s best for the “breakor” to let the “breakee” know how terrific they are, even though you’ve just met someone more terrific and moved on at the blink of an eye.  It’s also a good idea to let the “breakee” know that you’ve been going through your own difficulties…because you don’t want to make yourself look good at this point.  Make the person you want to leave feel that they’re better off without you which could end things faster… even though that’s messed up.

Now; a more sensitive way would be to sit the person down and tell them the news face to face, but failing that, there’s always e-mail or texts. Worst case scenario, a simple post-it-note will do the trick (but get the 4×4 size). Remember, the goal is to try to end it ASAP. And don’t forget to make a closing remark in the order of “we should get together sometime.” Yeah; sooner or later the truth comes out.

REALITY BITS.  Trying to keep it real…

In spite of disconcerting situations such as a friend who suddenly and unexpectedly turns their back on you with no explanation,

Or worse, someone you thought could turn out to be a life partner decides to dump you for someone else….although you didn’t realize it because they were so good at making it look like they were doing it for your best interests. Then you finally woke up to the realization that they weren’t being considerate of your situation at all, only trying to end it as quickly as possible (with no opportunity to discuss possibilities) in order to begin again with someone they apparently just met.  It hurts to know you were not only  dispensable but not so special to them after all. And you held this person in such high regard. If they tell you it’s important that you know that they met someone else then yes, it is important that they tell you, especially if you think you’re still in the relationship. Maybe they were faithful while they were with you, keeping in mind they were intimate with you as recently as a week before they were with someone else.  To you intimacy is meaningful. You might have been intending to make a lifetime decision and they saved you from doing so just in the nick of time.  You thought you were a perfect match? But there’s a damn good chance they would have broken up with you later on anyway.breakup4

So look out for those who project onto you what they themselves will ultimately do.

A wise woman I know once said of someone who openly flirted with her husband “if she can catch him, she can keep him.”  Which translates into something like: why worry about someone taking away something that is so easily transferable?

And that girlfriend; is keeping it real!breakup6

WAIT…I have to share the all-time “Best in Breakup” story.  A friend of mine was on a date with her boyfriend at a restaurant.  Said boyfriend went to the bar to order a drink and met someone while at the bar that he was very interested in getting to know.  When he returned to the table he told my friend he remembered meeting this woman years ago at a party and was interested then, so now he didn’t want to ruin his chance….even though he was already on a date.  Without a word of a lie he told my friend this strange woman was the “woman of his dreams”. Let’s give him credit for at least sitting down in person to tell her. But as it turns out this dream woman was happily married. Craazzy right? He spoke too soon without knowing anything about her while ruining his present relationship.  Some guys!!!

Do you have a breakup story to top this?  I didn’t think so.

 *indicates a warning signal that something is wrong.  You may have overlooked something or chosen to ignore it.  example: nice to you one minute, very cool the next. You chalk it up to a bad day……you know what I’m talking about.

 

 

 

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