On my mind:  Character Counts

Not to be confused with some of the characters you may have met along the way.  character2Those specific characters (they know who they are) make life interesting, colourful and never dull.  I’m referring to a persons overall general disposition – the natural traits that define each of us as individuals.  character1Have you ever had reason to doubt someones character?

Unfortunately I’ve come to discover the hard way that I may have thinner skin than I was aware of.   It’s interesting that for all my travels and life experience how un-jaded I still am. I take words at face value and am always surprised when people are not as meaningful or as spiritual as they’ve led me to believe.  I’m disturbed (not in a life threatening way) by how hurtful people can become even if they don’t intend to be that way.  And at the same time I’m grateful to be the kind of person I am, to take people at face value, and believe that their intentions are honourable.  I’m forever optimistic and never ever bitter.  I just don’t understand the way some people operate.  Which led me to this character post in the first place.  And it leaves me vulnerable since it’s all so (also) personal.

Our character explains who we are, how we act and it highly influences the choices that we make in our lives.character3Day to day I take the good character of those I know for granted, but of late I’ve been impacted by the lack of integrity by some I believed I knew well. In general I don’t have any bad feelings towards anyone but I do question why someone would feel the need to say something they don’t mean or make a promise they don’t intend to keep because they think it’s what you want to hear.  It hurts more if it were someone you were once close with.  Maybe they don’t have the wherewithal to be completely open, or you’re of no use to them now that someone else has taken your place.  They lead you to believe that you still matter, yet their actions prove that you don’t.  They may not want to appear in a negative light. They attend to their own needs and you no longer play a part in their life. That’s fine although now they end up treating you with indifference – the very same way they do not wish to be treated. It’s understandable that circumstances change in your life, but a total shift in attitude is disheartening.  Then you begin to doubt how well you read people.

People who feel the need to say things they think you want to hear but don’t mean are just playing head games with you. But maybe that is their intention – to play a game.  I can’t get used to that kind of behaviour.  Feelings are feelings.  I value them. That’s why the saying goes – actions speak louder than words.  Because words are just that  – they’re only words.  And you can only judge a person by how they act.

This is just an observation.  Something to think about.  We all disappoint someone at one time or another and life circumstances can partly be responsible for our actions but here’s the breakdown for each of us to consider:

Character Traits:

Character traits will determine how a person responds or reacts when faced with a certain situation in life. For example, if someone has honesty as a character trait, he will always be truthful and say things that are true as opposed to a person who is not honest.  They’re authentic.

Authenticity

You are able to be your real and true self, without pretension, posturing, or insincerity. You are capable of showing appropriate vulnerability and self-awareness.

Why Character is Important

Character in life is what makes people believe in you and is essential both for individual success and for our society to function successfully. Each individual must do his or her part every day by living a life of integrity. Integrity is adhering to a moral code of honesty, courage, strength and truthfulness – being true to your word. When you don’t exhibit integrity, other people get hurt. But you hurt yourself even more.

When you cheat, your “success” is false. When you break a promise, you are showing that your word is meaningless. When you lie, you deceive others and lose their respect. All of those examples destroy your reputation and break the trust others have in you. Without your good reputation and trustworthiness, your relationships fail.

Relationships and Success

Relationships are the foundation for success in life.

For example, when you destroy the relationships with your friends, you will have no friends. You will be isolated and alone.

If a student promises not to cheat, but does, he is taking unfair advantage to put himself ahead of others without deserving it. He can ruin his reputation, his academic record and his job prospects forever.

When a businessman makes a promise to customers and doesn’t deliver, he destroys his relationships with his customers. His customers go elsewhere and his business fails.

By breaking your relationships, you break the foundation for success in your life. What is true success? For example, who is more successful? Someone who is famous and makes a great deal of money, or someone who has no fame, makes little money, but is a great parent? Today, in school, is too much emphasis being placed on “good grades” and “high test scores” – so much so that are these things, rather than good character, how we define success?

Conclusion

Your good character is the most important asset you have. It takes a lifetime to build but can be lost in an instant. Once lost, it is difficult to regain. Your true character is revealed when no one else is looking. Often, people decide to act based on short term gain, or an easy fix to a problem and end up doing the wrong thing.

The old adage “you are what you do” is true. Failure to consider the long term consequences of your acts can be disastrous. By study and focusing on the importance of character, you will be guided by principles, moral strength, and integrity to do the right thing.  Nothing is more important for true success in your life.   Riches and resources are one thing, but good character counts for much more.

Any thoughts?

by mindful
be mindful

Source (for some of the traits) http://www.citrs.org/

Contemplating Closure

HOW COMFORTING IS CLOSURE?  Very.closure3Not in a feel-good sense but in an overall peace of mind sort of way.  Otherwise it’s like an open ended book where you never quite know what happens in the end.

It’s important not only for those who have lost loved ones and were not able to say goodbye but also for relationships that have ended.  It’s like you want to move on to the next chapter of your life gracefully and not keep re-reading the last.

And there is a certain sense of relief in coming to terms with your feelings about a person or a situation and finally being able to let go and start a brand new book. Even when the ending in the last one appeared kind of sketchy. In a psychological sense it’s finding an answer to an unclear situation.  The Aha moment as in Ahhhh…..now I get it! Maybe you’re better off being an open book even if it means you end up hurting someone.closure6

In the case of someone who passed on where you didn’t get the opportunity to say farewell in person or go to the funeral or memorial you can make your own bon voyage by lighting a candle, saying a prayer or paying tribute in some other manner.  Go for a long walk, think about all the things you loved about that person, pull out photos, write something down and make a final toast.  But never ever forget!

The beautiful thing is that memories live forever, regret should have no place and life as usual, carries on.  Draw your own conclusions…

Yes; finding WORDS is important
Yes; finding WORDS is important

In closing..you might consider what Shakespeare’s Hamlet said “you have to be cruel to be kind

m o v i n g r i g h t a l o n g

 

Contemplating the ART of a PERFECT BREAKUP

  Where were all the *red flags?  breakup5

Spoiler Alert: there is no such thing as the “perfect breakup.” There is however a better, nicer and more diplomatic way to deal with someone you plan to break up with. It’s all in the handling of the situation.  First and foremost, Compassion is key.breakup1 First you’ve got to let the person down easy (you never know if they’ll throw a tantrum, get violent, or worse, start crying uncontrollably). You never know these things so it’s best for the “breakor” to let the “breakee” know how terrific they are, even though you’ve just met someone more terrific and moved on at the blink of an eye.  It’s also a good idea to let the “breakee” know that you’ve been going through your own difficulties…because you don’t want to make yourself look good at this point.  Make the person you want to leave feel that they’re better off without you which could end things faster… even though that’s messed up.

Now; a more sensitive way would be to sit the person down and tell them the news face to face, but failing that, there’s always e-mail or texts. Worst case scenario, a simple post-it-note will do the trick (but get the 4×4 size). Remember, the goal is to try to end it ASAP. And don’t forget to make a closing remark in the order of “we should get together sometime.” Yeah; sooner or later the truth comes out.

REALITY BITS.  Trying to keep it real…

In spite of disconcerting situations such as a friend who suddenly and unexpectedly turns their back on you with no explanation,

Or worse, someone you thought could turn out to be a life partner decides to dump you for someone else….although you didn’t realize it because they were so good at making it look like they were doing it for your best interests. Then you finally woke up to the realization that they weren’t being considerate of your situation at all, only trying to end it as quickly as possible (with no opportunity to discuss possibilities) in order to begin again with someone they apparently just met.  It hurts to know you were not only  dispensable but not so special to them after all. And you held this person in such high regard. If they tell you it’s important that you know that they met someone else then yes, it is important that they tell you, especially if you think you’re still in the relationship. Maybe they were faithful while they were with you, keeping in mind they were intimate with you as recently as a week before they were with someone else.  To you intimacy is meaningful. You might have been intending to make a lifetime decision and they saved you from doing so just in the nick of time.  You thought you were a perfect match? But there’s a damn good chance they would have broken up with you later on anyway.breakup4

So look out for those who project onto you what they themselves will ultimately do.

A wise woman I know once said of someone who openly flirted with her husband “if she can catch him, she can keep him.”  Which translates into something like: why worry about someone taking away something that is so easily transferable?

And that girlfriend; is keeping it real!breakup6

WAIT…I have to share the all-time “Best in Breakup” story.  A friend of mine was on a date with her boyfriend at a restaurant.  Said boyfriend went to the bar to order a drink and met someone while at the bar that he was very interested in getting to know.  When he returned to the table he told my friend he remembered meeting this woman years ago at a party and was interested then, so now he didn’t want to ruin his chance….even though he was already on a date.  Without a word of a lie he told my friend this strange woman was the “woman of his dreams”. Let’s give him credit for at least sitting down in person to tell her. But as it turns out this dream woman was happily married. Craazzy right? He spoke too soon without knowing anything about her while ruining his present relationship.  Some guys!!!

Do you have a breakup story to top this?  I didn’t think so.

 *indicates a warning signal that something is wrong.  You may have overlooked something or chosen to ignore it.  example: nice to you one minute, very cool the next. You chalk it up to a bad day……you know what I’m talking about.

 

 

 

Words…relationships

Let’s have some FUN…..and not take life so seriously.relation1

MEN vs WOMEN – some quotes that made me smile:

Buy a ship, name it relation.  Now you have a RELATIONSHIP!

“I was married by a judge.  I should have asked for a jury.” – Groucho Marx

“A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she’s a tramp.” – Joan Rivers

“Seems to me the basic conflict between men and women, sexually, is that men are like firemen. To men, sex is an emergency, and no matter what we’re doing we can be ready in two minutes. Women, on the other hand, are like fire. They’re very exciting, but the conditions have to be exactly right for it to occur.” – Jerry Seinfeld

According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about women is their eyes. And women say the first thing they notice about men is they’re a bunch of liars. – Jay Leno

I want a man who is kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire? – Zsa Zsa Gabor

You’re 40 and he’s 22. Do you have to marry him? Couldn’t you just adopt him? – Ann Stanley, Forty Carats

“God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.” – Robin Williams

Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.” – Albert Einstein

Happy Sunday!