Inspirations on Life/Style/Design/ Recipes/ Health +
Category: THINKAboutit
Think about what MATTERS most, mindful little things and things that make a difference.
Life isn’t just about what we wear, what we eat, what we see or where we go. It’s also about how we think, how we make decisions, what we expect of ourselves and how we navigate the unexpected.
On Thursday evening I was at the Vancouver Club with a room full of budding young entrepreneurs yeah, I know what was I doing there? to hear Vikram Vij give an empowering and heartfelt talk about his success story and what it took to get him where he is today.
with Vikram & my friend Rosa
From growing up in India, to training in Austria to finally making a home in Vancouver with three successful restaurants, a food truck, a cookbook, curry products sold in many stores across Canada and drumroll….having been one of the judges on Dragon’s Den – it’s been a humble and intriguing journey.
The people in the room were from the Pacific Club which is a group that connects and inspires Vancouver’s young professionals. There were some very interesting people. One of them was my friend Paul Davidescu who has a startup venture called Tangoo (the pocket concierge app for organizing the perfect outing to help bring people together in social and network gatherings). Tangoo was recently featured on Dragon’s Den, was given an offer which they turned down and after that Paul approached Vikram who then decided to help finance the company which is turning out to be a success story in it’s own right. Vikram said he invested in the person, not just the idea. He was sold on Paul’s enthusiasm and belief in the enterprise. It’s not just a money making venture for him.
The Tangoo TeamPaul Davidescu – photo: Globe & Mail
It was refreshing to hear him speak because Vikram believes that it’s about building relationships. It should not occur to you to make business a means to only make money. Put your love, passion and desire into your business – if you don’t create the most flavourful dish and put effort into everything that goes into it, it’s like dating a beautiful woman but there’s no chemistry. All the ingredients have to be balanced.
Rosa (Paul’s mom) is my confidante, running buddy & of late, Spanish Instructor extraordinaire.
He believes in working together. You always need somebody next to you in order to become successful – a partner, friend, someone who understands where you’re coming from and believes in you. Very important!
When someone tells him his food is terrible (like that ever happens) – he likens it to hurting as much as someone telling you that you have an ugly child. It is taken to heart.
His food philosophy is similar to that of living in an Indian village – buy local. He prefers to buy produce, fruit and wine where they are grown. We are so lucky here in British Columbia. We have an ocean that produces sustainable seafood, produce and wines from the Okanagan and the Fraser Valley. We need to know that what we have here is incredible. He used the spices that come from India together with local fare to create an interesting mix which turns out to be a pleasing combination.
His advice: Learn from the best mentors. Don’t think you know it all. Always be a student and a sponge – learn from people. No one is above another. You can learn something from everyone. Pierre Elliott Trudeau once came into his restaurant and waited in line like everyone else. An example is if he could wait so could everyone else. If you have nothing to talk about for 30 to 45 minutes chilling & hanging out at the back of the restaurant what are you doing out eating with this person anyway?
Travel the world, go to different parts to experience the local cuisine and music. When you sit together, eat together and you enjoy each others company you can talk about anything. Guns and Politics will never help to solve the problems of the world. Music & Cuisine bring people together. On another musical note, RIP “King of the Blues” BB – I’m so lucky to have heard you and your beautiful Lucille live on stage at the CNE in Toronto many years ago.
Vij’s
New for Vikram: Rangoli(next to Vij’s) – is a brand new concept restaurant. Instead of expanding Vij’s which would have been simpler he created something different. He always chooses to create fresh ideas & new concepts. My Shantiin South Surrey is also totally different from the other two. Vij’s Railway Express is a take on Indian street food – excellent examples of Indian Fare that’s a bit of a stretch from the “all too familiar” dishes like Butter Chicken and Chicken Tikka.
He prefers to push the limits with a desire to change things.
Sound advice from a pro – I think I’ll take that to heart.
No woman should ever marry a man who hated his mother
“When God Created Mothers”
When the Good Lord was creating mothers, He was into His sixth day of “overtime” when the angel appeared and said. “You’re doing a lot of fiddling around on this one.”
And God said, “Have you read the specs on this order?” She has to be completely washable, but not plastic. Have 180 moveable parts…all replaceable. Run on black coffee and leftovers. Have a lap that disappears when she stands up. A kiss that can cure anything from a broken leg to a disappointed love affair. And six pairs of hands.”
The angel shook her head slowly and said. “Six pairs of hands…. no way.”
It’s not the hands that are causing me problems,” God remarked, “it’s the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have.”
That’s on the standard model?” asked the angel. God nodded.
One pair that sees through closed doors when she asks, ‘What are you kids doing in there?’ when she already knows. Another here in the back of her head that sees what she shouldn’t but what she has to know, and of course the ones here in front that can look at a child when he goofs up and say. ‘I understand and I love you’ without so much as uttering a word.”
God,” said the angel touching his sleeve gently, “Get some rest tomorrow….”
I can’t,” said God, “I’m so close to creating something so close to myself. Already I have one who heals herself when she is sick…can feed a family of six on one pound of hamburger…and can get a nine year old to stand under a shower.”
The angel circled the model of a mother very slowly. “It’s too soft,” she sighed.
But tough!” said God excitedly. “You can imagine what this mother can do or endure.”
Can it think?”
Not only can it think, but it can reason and compromise,” said the Creator.
Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek.
There’s a leak,” she pronounced. “I told You that You were trying to put too much into this model.”
It’s not a leak,” said the Lord, “It’s a tear.”
What’s it for?”
It’s for joy, sadness, disappointment, pain, loneliness, and pride.”
Two weeks ago I posted about artist Judith Henry who incorporates masks as part of her mixed-media artwork compositions that explore the various roles we play.She hides behind a mask and becomes part of her canvas (above), just as we sometimes hide a part of our personality in certain settings and depending on the situation.
It got me thinking about the ‘masks’ we all wear, to what extent we tend to layer ourselves at times and the reasons why. I don’t know the psychology behind it, but I think it’s fairly simple to explain.
In theory, ‘masks’ are a persona that we put on top of the ‘real thing.’ It is a version of our ‘true selves. It’s not necessarily that we aren’t being authentic, but we can edit our personalities and decorate the versions we prefer to share to the world.
Why do we feel the need to do this?
What they shield are those parts of us that for whatever reasons, we don’t like or accept; or that others need us to hide to make them feel more comfortable. Or we don’t feel comfortable telling the complete truth for fear of breaking down so we are in actuality protecting ourselves from being hurt, our pride from rejection or to keep us from looking like a complete fool. Okay, maybe it’s not so simple after all.
I’m sure that if everyone let down their complete guard to anyone who asked “how are you today” people might be surprised and not be able to fully accept or handle exactly how you’re really doing. It’s keeping a barrier of politeness and having boundaries. In other words, “not wearing your life on your sleeve” at the first introduction.
Then there are societal rules that make it easier for us to fit in so we can adapt to situations like when we’re looking for work or meeting new people for the first time. We don’t want to appear too needy or too shy but sometimes we are exactly that. That’s just the rules of the game folks.
Interesting subject though don’t you think?
I’m just great, thank you very much…Sure!
Two poems on the matter:
“She had blue skin,
And so did he.
He kept it hid
And so did she.
They searched for blue
Their whole life through,
Then passed right by-
And never knew.” – Shel Silverstein, Every Thing On It
We wear the mask that grins and lies,
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,–
This debt we pay to human guile;
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,
And mouth with myriad subtleties.
Why should the world be overwise,
In counting all our tears and sighs?
Nay, let them only see us, while
We wear the mask.
We sing, but oh the clay is vile
Beneath our feet, and long the mile;
But let the world dream otherwise, We wear the mask! – Paul Laurence Dunbar
Being conscientious means you have a conscious. If everyone listened to their conscious it would likely be a better world.
Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity – Martin Luther King, Jr.
And it is only through constant training that the two can learn how to work together. From THE HAPPY SHOW.
There are two kinds of artists in this world; those that work because the spirit is in them, and they cannot be silent if they would, and those that speak from a conscientious desire to make apparent to others the beauty that has awakened their own admiration – Anna Katharine Green (American poet and novelist).
Then there’s pre-consciousness. Freud‘s original German term for the preconscious was das Vorbewusste. He claimed:
“If consciousness is then the sum total of everything of which we are aware, pre-consciousness is the reservoir of everything we can remember, all that is accessible to voluntary recall: the storehouse of memory. This leaves the unconscious area of mental life to contain all the more primitive drives and impulses influencing our actions without our necessarily ever becoming fully aware of them, together with every important constellation of ideas or memories with a strong emotional charge, which have at one time been present in consciousness but have since been repressed so that they are no longer available to it, even through introspection or attempts at memory.”
Leave a positive footmark on people’s lives by not stepping on their toes.
People are like stained – glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within. – Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
Be aware of people’s patterns. People tend to keep the same patterns. Some make lovely patterns and some make dreadful ones.
“The scariest thing about distance is that you don’t know whether they’ll miss you or forget you.” – Nicholas Sparks, TheNotebook (I loved this movie).
When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. – Maya Angelou
Spoiler Alert: there is no such thing as the “perfect breakup.” There is however a better, nicer and more diplomatic way to deal with someone you plan to break up with. It’s all in the handling of the situation. First and foremost, Compassion is key. First you’ve got to let the person down easy (you never know if they’ll throw a tantrum, get violent, or worse, start crying uncontrollably). You never know these things so it’s best for the “breakor” to let the “breakee” know how terrific they are, even though you’ve just met someone more terrific and moved on at the blink of an eye. It’s also a good idea to let the “breakee” know that you’ve been going through your own difficulties…because you don’t want to make yourself look good at this point. Make the person you want to leave feel that they’re better off without you which could end things faster… even though that’s messed up.
Now; a more sensitive way would be to sit the person down and tell them the news face to face, but failing that, there’s always e-mail or texts. Worst case scenario, a simple post-it-note will do the trick (but get the 4×4 size). Remember, the goal is to try to end it ASAP. And don’t forget to make a closing remark in the order of “we should get together sometime.” Yeah; sooner or later the truth comes out.
REALITY BITS. Trying to keep it real…
In spite of disconcerting situations such as a friend who suddenly and unexpectedly turns their back on you with no explanation,
Or worse, someone you thought could turn out to be a life partner decides to dump you for someone else….although you didn’t realize it because they were so good at making it look like they were doing it for your best interests. Then you finally woke up to the realization that they weren’t being considerate of your situation at all, only trying to end it as quickly as possible (with no opportunity to discuss possibilities) in order to begin again with someone they apparently just met. It hurts to know you were not only dispensable but not so special to them after all. And you held this person in such high regard. If they tell you it’s important that you know that they met someone else then yes, it is important that they tell you, especially if you think you’re still in the relationship. Maybe they were faithful while they were with you, keeping in mind they were intimate with you as recently as a week before they were with someone else. To you intimacy is meaningful. You might have been intending to make a lifetime decision and they saved you from doing so just in the nick of time. You thought you were a perfect match? But there’s a damn good chance they would have broken up with you later on anyway.
So look out for those who project onto you what they themselves will ultimately do.
A wise woman I know once said of someone who openly flirted with her husband “if she can catch him, she can keep him.” Which translates into something like: why worry about someone taking away something that is so easily transferable?
And that girlfriend; is keeping it real!
WAIT…I have to share the all-time “Best in Breakup” story. A friend of mine was on a date with her boyfriend at a restaurant. Said boyfriend went to the bar to order a drink and met someone while at the bar that he was very interested in getting to know. When he returned to the table he told my friend he remembered meeting this woman years ago at a party and was interested then, so now he didn’t want to ruin his chance….even though he was already on a date. Without a word of a lie he told my friend this strange woman was the “woman of his dreams”. Let’s give him credit for at least sitting down in person to tell her. But as it turns out this dream woman was happily married. Craazzy right? He spoke too soon without knowing anything about her while ruining his present relationship. Some guys!!!
Do you have a breakup story to top this? I didn’t think so.
*indicates a warning signal that something is wrong. You may have overlooked something or chosen to ignore it. example: nice to you one minute, very cool the next. You chalk it up to a bad day……you know what I’m talking about.
Unconditional love is caring about the happiness of another person without any thought for what we might get for ourselves. It’s akin to having had the love of good parents (lucky me).
I saw this on a wall & it made me think
I was running with a friend when me came across this wall graffiti. We were just talking about doing the best we can to look after ourselves in terms of working out and our overall health. Because in actuality how can we wholly give ourselves to another person without being in tip-top shape mentally and physically ourselves? Or at least trying to?
“No matter how many times she was told that she was loved, there was no recognition that the proof was in the abandonment.” – Markus Zusak, The Book Thief
“There must be a stronger foundation than mere friendship or sexual attraction. Unconditional love, agape love, will not be swayed by time or circumstances. ” -Stephen Kendrick, The Love DareIf you want loyalty and unconditional love just get a dog.
One day it’s this, another day it’s that! I find it somewhat relevant that A New Study Finds that There Are Too Many Studies.
Talk about changing your mind!
A growing number of scientific studies is making it harder for researchers to keep track of all their content.
A new paper published by professors from universities in Finland and California, reports that “the attention that can be devoted to individual papers measured by their citation counts, is bound to decay rapidly,” due to the overwhelming number of studies.The research suggests that the decay is accelerating in recent times signalling that papers are forgotten more quickly. The study focused on scientific research but notes that the same concept can be applied to the internet and popular culture.
“Over the past years, thanks to the Internet, a huge amount of data has allowed a thorough investigation of the dynamics of collective attention to online content, ranging from news stories to videos and memes. Here attention is measured by the number of users’ views, visits, posts, downloads, tweets. It is also noted that the attention decays over time, not only because novelty fades, but also because the human capacity to pay attention to new content is limited,” the study explains.
The conclusion states that due to the exponential growth of these publications scholars “forget” papers more easily now than in the past, sometimes making it harder to isolate the most relevant information.
“We can’t be afraid of change. *You may feel very secure in the pond that you are in, but if you never venture out of it, you will never know that there is such a thing as a sea, an ocean. Holding onto something that is good for you now, may be the very reason why you don’t have something better.” – C. JoyBell C.
“Bottom line is, even if you see ’em coming, you’re not ready for the big moments. No one asks for their life to change, not really. But it does. So what are we, helpless? Puppets? No. The big moments are gonna come. You can’t help that. It’s what you do afterwards that counts. That’s when you find out who you are.” – Joss Whedon
Just when the caterpiller thought the world was over it became a butterfly.
Life moves very fast. It rushes from Heaven to Hell in a matter of seconds.” – Paulo Coelho. Or, from Hell to Heaven – me
“The only person worthy of your love is not one who overstayed in the relationship without a single change, but one, who appeared like an angel, and used a single day to make a million changes.” – Michael Bassey Johnson.
“Some changes occur suddenly like a brilliant flash of lightning striking across a dark sky. These changes are stunning, exciting but can be quickly forgotten. Other changes happen slowly, gradually, like a flower blooming in early spring, each day unfurling its petals another fraction of an inch towards the warm, nurturing sun. These changes are as inevitable as nature running its course; they’re meant to be.” – Suzi Davis
Its time for us as a people to start making some changes, lets change the way we eat, lets change the way we live, and lets change the way we treat each other.
But memories last forever! Thank god for that.
*Some people never leave the place they were born. They marry their high school sweetheart, have children, hold a steady but ordinary job and remain completely happy. Does that mean they have to change? I think not. They can be perfectly happy this way. As long as they’re fine with it, we should be too. It’s okay to push change but it’s okay to stay the same too – as long as you’re good with it. – me
He prefers to push the limits with a desire to change things.
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