Spoiler Alert: there is no such thing as the “perfect breakup.” There is however a better, nicer and more diplomatic way to deal with someone you plan to break up with. It’s all in the handling of the situation. First and foremost, Compassion is key. First you’ve got to let the person down easy (you never know if they’ll throw a tantrum, get violent, or worse, start crying uncontrollably). You never know these things so it’s best for the “breakor” to let the “breakee” know how terrific they are, even though you’ve just met someone more terrific and moved on at the blink of an eye. It’s also a good idea to let the “breakee” know that you’ve been going through your own difficulties…because you don’t want to make yourself look good at this point. Make the person you want to leave feel that they’re better off without you which could end things faster… even though that’s messed up.
Now; a more sensitive way would be to sit the person down and tell them the news face to face, but failing that, there’s always e-mail or texts. Worst case scenario, a simple post-it-note will do the trick (but get the 4×4 size). Remember, the goal is to try to end it ASAP. And don’t forget to make a closing remark in the order of “we should get together sometime.” Yeah; sooner or later the truth comes out.
REALITY BITS. Trying to keep it real…
In spite of disconcerting situations such as a friend who suddenly and unexpectedly turns their back on you with no explanation,
Or worse, someone you thought could turn out to be a life partner decides to dump you for someone else….although you didn’t realize it because they were so good at making it look like they were doing it for your best interests. Then you finally woke up to the realization that they weren’t being considerate of your situation at all, only trying to end it as quickly as possible (with no opportunity to discuss possibilities) in order to begin again with someone they apparently just met. It hurts to know you were not only dispensable but not so special to them after all. And you held this person in such high regard. If they tell you it’s important that you know that they met someone else then yes, it is important that they tell you, especially if you think you’re still in the relationship. Maybe they were faithful while they were with you, keeping in mind they were intimate with you as recently as a week before they were with someone else. To you intimacy is meaningful. You might have been intending to make a lifetime decision and they saved you from doing so just in the nick of time. You thought you were a perfect match? But there’s a damn good chance they would have broken up with you later on anyway.
So look out for those who project onto you what they themselves will ultimately do.
A wise woman I know once said of someone who openly flirted with her husband “if she can catch him, she can keep him.” Which translates into something like: why worry about someone taking away something that is so easily transferable?
And that girlfriend; is keeping it real!
WAIT…I have to share the all-time “Best in Breakup” story. A friend of mine was on a date with her boyfriend at a restaurant. Said boyfriend went to the bar to order a drink and met someone while at the bar that he was very interested in getting to know. When he returned to the table he told my friend he remembered meeting this woman years ago at a party and was interested then, so now he didn’t want to ruin his chance….even though he was already on a date. Without a word of a lie he told my friend this strange woman was the “woman of his dreams”. Let’s give him credit for at least sitting down in person to tell her. But as it turns out this dream woman was happily married. Craazzy right? He spoke too soon without knowing anything about her while ruining his present relationship. Some guys!!!
Do you have a breakup story to top this? I didn’t think so.
*indicates a warning signal that something is wrong. You may have overlooked something or chosen to ignore it. example: nice to you one minute, very cool the next. You chalk it up to a bad day……you know what I’m talking about.
Did I just put the words sneakers and style in the same sentence?
Vans in all the right shades
It seems so. I’ve been drawn more and more to these adorable sneakers that look good with capris and rolled-up or cut-off jeans. These are not the same as running shoes (ones you use to actually run in), they’re meant for walking and comforts sake. A Sneak Peek:
My Vans slip-ons that go with everything
Superga platform hearts
This doesn’t mean that I’ve given up on shoes with heels, it’s just that the styles I’ve stumbled upon are so cute and practical that I feel like buying several pairs.
Something is happening to me. Lately I’ve found myself twice in the downtown Vans store considering the sunflower pair and the silver glitter lace-ups but I ended up walking out (literally) with Van Doren limited edition 80’s slip-ons. They’re a bit abstract and kind of Warholish. I also like the Italian Superga leopard, houndstooth, linen, metallic and perforated leather pairs. This is worrisome. I hope it’s just a phase like the Reebok cool-girl hightops I used to wear in red, black and bubblegum pink – a period that fortunately did not last for very long. Because looking back they were not all that flattering.
Superga LeopardSuperga Annabel Floral Platforms
Until this is over I’ll just enjoy my casual lifestyle knowing that I can always slip on a pair of high heels to go out for dinner or dancing. Mind you, recently I’ve even been wearing flats to dance tango. Is this something I should be concerned about? It’s good to diversify right?
What do you think about the latest crop of sneakers – will they be replacing regular flats?
A long weekend ahead celebrating both EASTER and PASSOVER.
I’ve got all my bases covered. At Passover there’s sure to be at least four glasses of wine and lots of chocolate at Easter. On Saturday morning there’s a scavenger hunt/run, a Passover Seder in the evening and Easter dinner on Sunday.
Cartoon by Yasha Harari
So what’s a girl to do
when she’s half christian & half jew
but celebrate both holidays
each in their individual ways
a little matzoh, a bit of ham
and try not to give a damn
However you choose to celebrate enjoy your lovely gathering with family and friends.
It’s at times like this that I wish I had a second dog. Specifically a Chihuahua. A cute little female that I could dress up like I used to do with my Siamese cross-dresser cat when I was a child okay, a teenager. I could have started the whole trend. He was a fully grown male that looked like a baby wearing a pink bonnet and frilly dress (taken from my doll collection). He didn’t seem to mind.
Fast forward to last Saturday when I strolled around Yaletown and discovered barking babies for the very first time – a lifestyle store for the hip and canine. Of course it’s hip, it’s in Yaletown.
If I had brought my mid size sheltie along he would have come across like a bull in a china shop with all the dainty little doggies
dragged in by their Lululemon wearing owners.
So definitely, yes, I can see myself shopping here on occasion.
And I’m thinking it’s only a matter of time before the designers have full blown seasonal canine runway shows. Can’t you picture it? I wonder what the resort collection would look like.
TOYSTREATS
This is a BIG business. People treat dogs like children. There’s a theory that people who dress up their dogs miss having actual babies? Do you think that’s true?
“We can’t be afraid of change. *You may feel very secure in the pond that you are in, but if you never venture out of it, you will never know that there is such a thing as a sea, an ocean. Holding onto something that is good for you now, may be the very reason why you don’t have something better.” – C. JoyBell C.
“Bottom line is, even if you see ’em coming, you’re not ready for the big moments. No one asks for their life to change, not really. But it does. So what are we, helpless? Puppets? No. The big moments are gonna come. You can’t help that. It’s what you do afterwards that counts. That’s when you find out who you are.” – Joss Whedon
Just when the caterpiller thought the world was over it became a butterfly.
Life moves very fast. It rushes from Heaven to Hell in a matter of seconds.” – Paulo Coelho. Or, from Hell to Heaven – me
“The only person worthy of your love is not one who overstayed in the relationship without a single change, but one, who appeared like an angel, and used a single day to make a million changes.” – Michael Bassey Johnson.
“Some changes occur suddenly like a brilliant flash of lightning striking across a dark sky. These changes are stunning, exciting but can be quickly forgotten. Other changes happen slowly, gradually, like a flower blooming in early spring, each day unfurling its petals another fraction of an inch towards the warm, nurturing sun. These changes are as inevitable as nature running its course; they’re meant to be.” – Suzi Davis
Its time for us as a people to start making some changes, lets change the way we eat, lets change the way we live, and lets change the way we treat each other.
But memories last forever! Thank god for that.
*Some people never leave the place they were born. They marry their high school sweetheart, have children, hold a steady but ordinary job and remain completely happy. Does that mean they have to change? I think not. They can be perfectly happy this way. As long as they’re fine with it, we should be too. It’s okay to push change but it’s okay to stay the same too – as long as you’re good with it. – me
Of all the times I’ve driven through Oregon, not once until now did I stop to discover the vibrant little town of Ashland. Especially since it happens to be my kind of town with shades of Niagara-on-the-Lake. But that may be because normally we drive to the coast and Ashland is located off I-5 at the south end of the Rogue Valley and about 20 miles from the California border – our main destination.
Rogue Valley vineyards near Ashland in the fall
Surrounded by breathtaking scenery, majestic mountains, rushing rivers, rolling foothills and dramatic landscapes, Ashland is a gorgeous little city with an arts scene as appealing as its setting.
Shakespeare Festival
Ashland hosts Christmas celebrations and the Oregon Shakespeare Festival (one of the largest and oldest regional theatres in the country) in winter, a film festival in the spring, classical music festival in summer and wine tasting celebrations in the autumn.
Not to be outdone by the festivals, is the food which seems to be right up there along with the quality of the art and wine scene. A local gave my travelling companions and I some recommendations of places to eat. They did not disappoint.
We had a very nice dinner at LarksWe had brunch at Morning Glory
We had dinner and cocktails at Larks (located in the historic Ashland Springs hotel) and for breakfast we went to Morning Glory (located in a heritage house) – photo below.
We were met there by the woman who made the recommendations – an interesting person who is the godmother of a mutual friend. Her father and grandmother are subjects of an oil on canvas painting by none other than Renoir which hangs at the Musée d’Orsay in Paris. *Her story is worthy of a blog post of its own. Ashland is worth the visit and I will plan to spend a bit more time there on my next trip.
In my Dreams. But part of this is not so far fetched, because dreams really do come true.
First you’ve got to let the person down easy (you never know if they’ll throw a tantrum, get violent, or worse, start crying uncontrollably). You never know these things so it’s best for the “breakor” to let the “breakee” know how terrific they are, even though you’ve just met someone more terrific and moved on at the blink of an eye. It’s also a good idea to let the “breakee” know that you’ve been going through your own difficulties…because you don’t want to make yourself look good at this point. Make the person you want to leave feel that they’re better off without you which could end things faster… even though that’s messed up.
A cute little female that I could dress up like I used to do with my Siamese cross-dresser cat when I was a child
“Bottom line is, even if you see ’em coming, you’re not ready for the big moments. No one asks for their life to change, not really. But it does. So what are we, helpless? Puppets? No. The big moments are gonna come. You can’t help that. It’s what you do afterwards that counts. That’s when you find out who you are.” – Joss Whedon
If so, here’s a glimpse of entrances to some of the abodes around old Las Palmas, Palm Springs…while riding my bicycle 
Life is better with a little sand between your paws
Photos: d. king
Girl Who Would be KING on Life, Style and INSPIRATION. 
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