Words – laughing with Chelsea Handler

Here are some ~~okay lots~~ of my favorite quotes from Comedian Chelsea Handler.

Disclaimer: If you’re not okay with politically incorrect maybe end it right here. I just saw her perform live in Seattle and while I don’t enjoy crudeness in general, when it comes from her it just seems so natural and acceptable and the lines become blurred between right and wrong.

It’s been my experience that people who make proclamations about themselves are usually the opposite of what they claim to be. If someone is truly a loyal friend, then they wouldn’t need to broadcast it; eventually, people will figure it out. I have a lot of good friends and not one of them has ever introduced themselves by saying, “I’m a very good friend.— Chelsea Handler

“I went to Africa because I wanted to know where rappers come from.” – Chelsea Handler, “Uganda be Kidding me.”

“I don’t like the word ‘alcoholic‘. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.” ― Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands

“I went out with a guy who once told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, I’m drinking so that you’re more fun to be around.”
― Chelsea Handler, Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea

“Then a homeless man with a dog approached us and put his hand out. This happens to be something that I have a real problem with: homeless people with pets who approach you for food when they have a perfectly delicious dog standing right there?”

“I would rather sit next to a transgender person and discuss why every single one I’ve met smells like a bar in the daytime than listen to people tell my why I want to have children and that I just don’t know it yet. I do know, because I’m me and my feelings are the ones in my head. I don’t want to have kids, and it’s not a device to get attention or have conversations about it. I simply find children incredibly immature and, more often than not, dumb.”

Are you there vodka? It’s me, Chelsea. Please get me out of jail and I promise I will never drink again. Drink and drive. I will never drink and drive again. I may even start my own group fashioned after MADD, Mothers Against Drunk Driving, but I’ll call it AWLTDASH, Alcoholics Who Like to Drink and Stay Home.”

“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with some one long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.”

“My mother told me that life isn’t always about pleasing yourself and that sometimes you have to do things for the sole benefit of another human being. I completely agreed with her, but reminded her that that was what blow jobs were for.”

“You know you’re a hot mess when the only person buying you drinks all night is yourself.”

“My relationship with my father had been on the proverbial fritz since the time I was fifteen and called the police to report him for child molesting. He had never molested me, but I wanted to have a party that weekend and needed him out of the house.”

“I rolled over and picked up Us Weekly magazine off the floor. The cover had a picture of Angelina, Brad, and their little Eskimo son, Maddox. I sat staring at the photo, wondering why this little boy looks so pissed off in every picture.At first I thought he was just pissed about his Mohawk, but then I realized he’s probably furious. Maddox must have thought he hit the jackpot when some A-list celebrity rescued him from third-world Cambodia, only to discover that she was going to shuffle him back and forth to EVERY other third-world country in the universe. He’s probably like, ‘When the fuck are we gonna get to Malibu, bitch?”

“Our relationship finally ended when he took to waking me up in the wee hours o the morning when he would go surfing. He thought it might be fun to have me come watch. “Fun for who?” I wanted to ask. i had never asked him to come to Happy Hour and watch me drink.”

“Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.” ― Chelsea Handler, Lies That Chelsea Handler Told Me

FUN

Health MATTERS – on the benefits of LAUGHTER

Talking about natural medicine….

Your sense of humor is one of the most powerful tools you have to make certain that your daily mood and emotional state support good health.

Laughter makes you feel good. And the good feeling that you get when you laugh remains with you even after the laughter subsides. Humor helps you keep a positive, optimistic outlook through difficult situations, disappointments, and loss.

Laughter is a powerful antidote to stress, pain, and conflict. Nothing works faster or more dependably to bring your mind and body back into balance than a good laugh. Humor lightens your burdens, inspires hopes, connects you to others, and keeps you grounded, focused, and alert.

With so much power to heal and renew, the ability to laugh easily and frequently is a tremendous resource for surmounting problems, enhancing your relationships, and supporting both physical and emotional health.

Laughter is good for your HEALTH:

Laughter relaxes the whole body. A good, hearty laugh relieves physical tension and stress, leaving your muscles relaxed for up to 45 minutes after.
Laughter boosts the immune system. Laughter decreases stress hormones and increases immune cells and infection-fighting antibodies, thus improving your resistance to disease.
Laughter triggers the release of endorphins, the body’s natural feel-good chemicals. Endorphins promote an overall sense of well-being and can even temporarily relieve pain.
Laughter protects the heart. Laughter improves the function of blood vessels and increases blood flow, which can help protect you against a heart attack and other cardiovascular problems.

Best of all, this priceless medicine is fun, free, and easy to use

What’s not to laugh about?

Source: http://www.helpguide.org

FUN

beauty biz – PURE Hyaluronic Acid is worth it’s weight in water

It all goes back to the womb. Have you ever met a baby with bad skin?

Babies are born with a high level of

episilk

hyaluronic acid, which keeps their dewy skin plump and smooth. Unfortunately, the amount of hyaluronic acid in skin diminishes with age, most significantly after age 40.

First off, don’t let the word “acid” fool you. Hyaluronic acid isn’t harsh or skin-stripping at all. In fact, it’s the exact opposite – a powerful humectant (aka moisture-binding ingredient) that keeps skin plump and hydrated which in turn means younger looking skin.

First off, let’s not mislead anyone here – disappointingly there is no “fountain of youth” magic skin cream or lotion fix that is available on the market despite various claims. The idea of remaining ageless has appealed to mankind since the dawn of time, but most of us realize this is a pipe dream. However, maintaining a youthful complexion and improving the appearance of our skin is not beyond our reach. In fact, one of the best kept secrets for naturally ageless skin is using hyaluronic acid (also known as sodium hyaluronate) serum.

WHY?

Don’t get too excited but Hyaluronic Acid (HA) is known for its ability to bind up to 1000 times its weight in water. Imagine that? When applied to your skin, hyaluronic acid serum actually helps the cells in your skin absorb and retain moisture. This helps to give you that supple glow that’s been missing. Unlike collagen, Hyaluronic Acid is able to penetrate the skin’s upper layers to improve and benefit the skin when applied topically. HA is a major component of skin, where it benefits tissue repair and protection. When applied in an HA cream or serum, hyaluronic acid forms an air permeable layer and penetrates into the dermis, thus boosting the elasticity and hydration of the skin. The protective barrier on the skin locks in moisture, thus giving it a more youthful appearance.
As you age, the body’s HA production naturally decreases, leaving the skin dry and that’s where wrinkles start to form. Replenishing the body’s natural HA allows skin to retain moisture and provides volume, form and lift.

PRODUCT REVIEW: I received a new (to me) HA serum called “episilk” to try out and this is what the company has to say about it:

Episilk™ PHA Serum is an intensely hydrating serum that rejuvenates skin from the inside out. It improves the tone and appearance of skin by enhancing the skin’s ability to retain moisture. Its light, non-oily texture soothes skin leaving it fresh and soft while smoothing fine lines and wrinkles. PHA Serum renews your skin’s suppleness and elasticity.

The Episilk Pure Hyaluronic Acid Serum contains just two ingredients (de-ionized water and HA), which means that the acid isn’t subject to degradation from other ingredients and also allows a higher concentration of active ingredient for your money. Approx. price $59.95

How to use it: Apply twice a day to wet face or put a small amount on the back or side of your hand, and mix with an equal amount of water. This serum is very concentrated and adding a very small amount of water will help activate it for best results.

What I have to say:

Who am I to argue with all the beneficial research, claims and hype surrounding HA, and with only two powerful ingredients it can’t get much better. The fact that I received this product gratis doesn’t mean that I have to report back that I like it but after having tried it for only a few days (so far) my skin feels great and looks more hydrated. It feels similar to a previous one I tried (MyChelle Hydrating Serum, Ultra Hyaluronic) that had many more ingredients – not necessarily a bad thing but for this you want the purest form available. The company also has other types of serums.

How I use it:

First I spritz on my own face spray (étoile – hydrating facial essence)that has EXOTIC FLORAL WATERS and THEN USE ONE PUMP OF THE SERUM. You can also use it on your Décolletage (area on your upper chest that MANY WOMEN MISS). At night (especially in dry season) I always use a bit of FACE OIL over top of any serum.

Link for serum: http://episilkserum.com

Link for exquisite face oil & spray: http://GetSpoiledNow.com

On PINTEREST: Beauty Products I can’t live without: https://www.pinterest.com/intrigueimports/beauty-products-i-cant-live-without/

FUN

Global Style – just bead me up!

Well you never know what the next “New Look” will be.

You can shell out for these or just take a vacation.

If you follow the latest fashion magazines, then beads and shells are IN right

Island Stylin!

now folks. Archaeological records show that people made and used

beads as long as 5,000 years ago and I think shells have been around even longer. But sometimes it takes a while for the fashion gods to catch on. But honestly, who has never come back from a tropical vacation without a little beading – if not in your hair, then at least on your arm. Every summer I never fail to pull out all my shell and beaded jewelery – and there are tons.

Big shells from Hawaii on roped necklaces, beaded rasta bracelets from Jamaica, beaded sandals, belts and even a headband (I’ll have to check to find out if I can wear that now) from Brazil,

better to show off my pedi

and intricate beaded Masai jewelry from none other than Masai Mara in Kenya, Africa. This is what surpised me the most. I’ve never seen anyone other than the exotic Masai tribe themselves (in Africa because they don’t travel) flaunting their Masia jewelery anywhere outside of Africa. While I’m on the subject, I just won’t believe it if their wedding neckpieces and headdresses ever come in fashion here in North America!

Theirs

Anyway, I’ve worn my Masai pieces (mostly bangles & a few chokers) on occasion because each piece takes hours upon hours of intricate handiwork which I appreciate but never saw anyone else wearing. And while almost no one has ever complimented me (except for Chelsea Handler – even more to my surprise) on my sophisticated assortment, I just saw a whole whack load of them in my favorite most up-to-date fashion magazine for a whole whack load more money than what I paid for mine.

mine

Not only that, I came thisclose to giving away a great pair of beaded (hardly worn) sandals. Good thing I opened up that magazine! So now I will with full abandon be flaunting my acquisitions from all these exotic locales which in the past seemed outdated once home. This summer I’ll be pulling out all the stops in beaded and shell accessories. I hope we have an exxxtra looong summer!

Do you see what I mean?

How about you – are you planning to GO archaeoLOGICAL too?

FUN

Simply Satisfying: a taste of Spain – Chicken Marbella

It should really be called “Simply Spectacular.”

My friend Natalia turned me on to this recipe years ago, and it never fails to turn out delicious each time I make it. While prunes and capers might seem like an odd combination, when cooked together with chicken they create a delectable sweet and sour, savory flavor. The overnight marination is essential to the moistness of the finished product: The chicken keeps and even improves over several days of refrigeration; it travels well and makes excellent picnic fare.

Ingredients:

The original recipe calls for 2 chickens, 2 1/2 lbs each, quartered, bone-in, skin-on. Or, you can use an already cut-up chicken assortment of pieces like breast and thighs.

1 head of garlic, pureed

¼ cup dried oregano

Course salt and pepper to taste ( I like to use kosher salt)

½ cup red wine vinegar

½ cup extra vigin olive oil

1 cup pitted prunes (I prefer to halve them)

½ cup pitted Spanish green olives

½ cup capers with a bit of juice

6 bay leaves

¾ cup brown sugar

1 cup white wine (if you can’t use wine, then use ½ cup of best quality chicken stock)

Fresh Italian parsley, chopped to taste

Combine Chicken with garlic, salt and pepper and all ingredients except brown sugar, wine and parsley. Cover, and let marinate overnight to produce the best results.

Pre-heat oven to 350F. Arrange chicken in a shallow baking pan in a single layer. Sprinkle with white wine and brown sugar.

Bake for about an hour, or until juices from chicken run clear (and chicken is not pink). Baste marinade every so often over chicken.

Enjoy!

Tip: if the amount of oil and vinegar seems like too much – remember that amount is for about 5 lbs. so you can adjust it accordingly. You might want to use the recipe “as is” because the juice is so flavourful and served over rice it works out perfectly.

FUN

Art/Culture/Comedy – Anime & Chelsea in Seattle

The “UGANDA be kidding me” tour.

It’s been a while since I’ve had a girly overnight adventure. On Friday three of us drove from Vancouver to Seattle to see comedian Chelsea Handler perform live at her sold-out show at the Paramount Theatre. My sister surprised me on my birthday with tickets (she purchased them online while vacationing in Hawaii) to see her. Chelsea couldn’t have chosen a busier weekend (being Good Friday) but luckily for us, it was relatively smooth ~~sailing~~ driving. Our first stop was to take in the Spring rainbow burst of colours at the Skagit Valley Tulip Festival – a truly amazing row-upon-row sight to behold for flower lovers.

You know the best thing about these little adventures is not knowing exactly what’s going to happen. Were we aware that there was also an Anime convention going on at the same time? A dead giveaway: all the people, young and old (but mostly young) dressed up in what appeared to be very unusual Halloween costumes. The word anime — pronounced “ah-knee-may” — is an abbreviation of the word animation WHICH ORIGINATED IN JAPAN & IS hugely POPULAR. It has a distinct look-and-feel to not just the artwork but the storytelling, the themes, and the concepts. It’s become an international phenomenon over the last 40 years, attracting millions of fans and being translated into many languages. A whole generation of viewers in the West have grown up with it and are now passing it on to their own children. Therefore, the reason for all the crazy characters we witnessed carousing the streets of Seattle. It’s unlike any of the cartoons we’re used to and the differences are many. It was lots of fun to see.

Then there was Chelsea – our main reason for being in Seattle. The show opened with comedian Ian Karmel who is also a writer for “Chelsea Lately” and a regular on her panel who performed about a 45 minute stand-up. It was during this time that I broke out my flask of Van Gogh Chocolate Vodka hidden inside my purse.

Chelsea (right) & Sis

Then Chelsea came on stage to talk about her hilarious escapades including an African safari trip with her sister & some friends. We purchased her book which they were selling in the lobby (in the moment) and at the end of the show she graciously signed the inside cover for us while we chatted about our mutual sister trip to Africa. To our surprise the usually cynical comedian seemed interested to find out where we traveled in Africa and was very engaging. Yes, we had something in common.

The very next day just before heading back we went shopping. After all, what would a trip to Seattle be like without any shopping?

The tulip festival in Lyndon, WA is a breathtaking sight to behold.

Have you seen Chelsea lately?

FUN

words: Why did the Easter Egg hide?

Happy Easter

cuz he was a little chicken!

today it’s okay to put ALL your eggs in one basket.

What came first – the bunny or the egg?

Like I need another excuse to eat C H O C O L A T E!

Chocolates from Purdy’s

FUN

Health MATTERS – Is it a cold or flu?

Springtime is a time you really don’t want to get sick – but let’s face it, no one wants to get sick any time of the year. You feel a tickle in your throat, then a headache coming on, start to sniffle or sneeze, and suddenly you feel really tired. You know you’re coming down with something – but is it a cold, or do you have the flu?

With both conditions your symptoms can include a sore throat, runny nose, headache, body aches, chills, fatigue and nausea. The main difference is that with the flu, you’ll have a temperature above 37.8C (a normal temperature is about 37C but can fluctuate from 36.1 to 37.2 depending on the time of day and physical activity).

Flu symptoms tend to come on suddenly, are more severe and are at their worst for the first three or four days; after that, it can take up to two weeks before you feel better. A cold can linger anywhere from a few days to a few weeks, although one week is typical.

Viruses are the culprits behind both of these illnesses. Did you know that there are more than 200 viruses that can cause cold-like symptons? In contrast, there are just two influenza viruses – A and B, which continually mutate, requiring the flu vaccine to be updated each year in order to protect against the latest strains.

Cold viruses are infectious up to two days before symptoms appear and remain infectious until they’re gone. Influenza, however, is infectious one day before it appears and remains so for up to six days after symptoms develop.

The possibility of science finding a cure for the common cold “just a catch-all phrase for the many different viruses that circulate” is unlikely. Researchers at MIT are working on a drug that kills cells that are infected by all types of viruses, including rhinoviruses (the most common for colds) and influenza, but it will be at least 10 years before it can even be tested on humans.

So, unless you have a pre-existing condition that requires medical attention, “once you get sick with a cold or the flu, you just have to get through it,” says pharmacist Valerie Kalyn, owner of a Shoppers Drug Mart in Calgary. Your best bet is to avoid getting sick in the first place. How easy is this?

A prevention strategy:

Wash your hands often with soap and water for at least 20 seconds at a time, says Marianne Trevorrow, a naturopathic doctor in Victoria and a director at the British Columbia Naturopathic Association. If soap and water aren’t available, a hand sanitizer with at least 60 percent alcohol is the next best thing. Supplementing with vitamin D may also help since a recent study found that people with low levels of D are the most likely to catch colds and flu. Get proper sleep, try to improve your stress levels (easier said than done), the old drink lots of fluids & chicken soup rule seems to hold true and if you must, take an over the counter remedy.

An old-school FIX for the Common Cold : even though over-the-counter decongestants and cough medicines help to relieve symptoms, they won’t speed recovery.

in raw form

elderberry syrup

New-School REMEDY: Elderberry Extract. The purplish extract has been shown to be effective against ten strains of influenza virus, likely by increasing the production on chemical messengers that stimulate the immune system. When adults were given elderberry syrup or a placebo within the first 48 hours of feeling flu symptoms, those who took the elderberry (one tablespoon of the antivaral syrup four times a day) felt better on average four days sooner. Bonus: it tastes a little like blueberry candy.

BE Healthy & Feel Good!

FUN

beauty biz: concealer review – priced high & low

Urban Decay 24/7 Concealer Versus L’Oreal True Match Color Concealer

Two cover-up pencils – Two prices – Too alike?

Not that I’m trying to hide anything ~~except for every~~ ~~little flaw on my face~~…but last week I posted about my favourite (the best) under eye concealer and now I want to mention two incredible cover sticks for general use. You know those little spots here and there on my our faces that need to be dealt with. Not every freckle (because we shouldn’t make everything disappear – it’s who we are) but a zit or red spot or little discoloration we want to be gone.

The Similarities:

Both are creamy and blendable. Anything that comes in pencil/stick form is usually more convenient, I find. The ease of keeping a pencil for touch-ups is much better than having to pull out a pot concealer and brush. The shades in each that match my skintone produces almost exactly the same results.

Both offer customized coverage from the tiniest of blemishes to larger areas of imperfections. The tip of the crayons allow for precise application, while the side of the crayons can easily canvas a larger area of skin. At first I purchased the Urban Decay pencil and loved it, but then I switched for this new one from L’Oreal for half the price. Here are my thoughts:

The Differences:

Urban Decay 24/7 Concealer Pencil – tried this at Sephora and loved the creamy texture and smooth coverage. However, once I bought it, I went through it quickly and it made a mess in my non urban decay pencil sharpener. Why should we always have to buy a specific sharpener for a product – can’t a generic one do? It does not sharpen smooth and breaks off certain pieces so you’ll never get the tip as precise as it first started out. But the top goes back on much more securely than L’Oreal so you can take it with you everywhere. Does it stay on for 24 hours as advertised? No, at least not for me. If you care about packaging then this one is nicer. Available in 8 natural shades. ($18 USD / $22 CDN).

L’Oreal True Match™ Super-Blendable Crayon Concealer – Their moto is “conceal it all – big to small.” The innovative formula provides sheer to full coverage that blends easily and won’t look cakey. For a drugstore concealer, this is probably the best I’ve tried so far. It provided an almost perfect color match as the Urban Decay stick and of course the convenient chubby pencil is great. The main drawback is that once you take the top off, it does not seem to go back on tight enough whereas there is never a problem with Urban Decay. This is no big deal if you don’t mind keeping it at home but it might get messy if you travel with it. Available in 6 natural shades. $8.95

They’re both wonderful products however….

Based on this information, which one would you choose?

FUN

Simply Satisfying: EASTER easy, but seems “gourmet” holiday ham

What are you making for Easter dinner?

If you’re on the hunt for something effortless and delicious then a ham is so easy to prepare and takes care of a main dish for many. Leftovers are great – you can enjoy ham & swiss cheese sandwiches with grainy dijon for days. In general I’m not really a ham lover (just a ham) but once a year I do enjoy this kind. Last year my main ingredients of cloves & maple syrup got rave reviews. Leave the Turkeys for Christmas & Thanksgiving and try one of these super simple recipes. For a change you can concentrate on some fancy sides. Serve with your favourites and don’t forget the chocolate.

Recipe #1

A HOLLYWOOD HAM

Serves 8

A good cut of meat for this recipe is the butt portion of a bone-in, *water-added ham.

Ingredients

1 5-to 6-pound bone-in water-added ham, butt portion
3 cups apple cider
1 1/2 cups packed dried **apple chunks (about 4 1/2 ounces)
3/4 cup golden brown sugar
6 tablespoons cider vinegar
3 tablespoons Dijon Mustard

*In case you’re wondering, ‘water added’ means it has been wet cured. This is typical of most ham and bacon on the US market. Dry cured ham is more expensive, will be labeled as such, and may be so salty and dry that you will need to soak it at home before cooking. So unless you made special effort to find dry cured ham (or bacon) it is wet cured.

Tip: **You can omit the dried apples altogether & just add a little extra apple cider instead or use a couple cut-up fresh apples.

Preparation

Preheat oven to 325°F. Place ham in roasting pan and bake until thermometer inserted into thickest part of ham registers 150°F., about 15 minutes per pound. Cool ham completely. (Can be prepared 3 days ahead. Cover and chill.)

Bring cider and apples to boil in heavy medium saucepan over medium-high heat. Boil until liquid is reduced to scant 1 1/2 cups, about 8 minutes. Whisk sugar, vinegar and mustard in small bowl until blended. Add to cider mixture. Simmer sauce until reduced to 2 1/4 cups, stirring occasionally, about 6 minutes. (Can be made 1 day ahead. Cover and chill.)

Preheat oven to 375°F. Cut eight 1/2-inch-thick ham slices from bone. Overlap ham slices in glass baking dish. Spoon sauce over. Bake until ham is heated through and sauce bubbles, about 25 minutes. Transfer to platter and serve. Bon Appétit (from the magazine and in general).

Recipe #2

THYME HONEY GLAZED HAM

Tri-colour carrots look pretty & taste good

Makes 12-16 servings

Hams with a thick honey glaze can sometimes be too cloying. This recipe takes a more balanced approach that results in a light sweetness and a beautiful shine.

Ingredients

3 tablespoons unsalted butter
2 tablespoons chopped thyme
1 (12-to 14-pounds) boneless or semiboneless fully cooked ham at room temperature 1 hour
1/4 cup cider vinegar
1/2 cup mild honey
1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce

Preparation

Melt butter with thyme and let stand until ready to use.

Preheat oven to 350°F with rack in lower third.

Peel off and discard any rind or skin from ham, leaving 1/4 inch of fat on ham. Score fat on top of ham in a crosshatch pattern without cutting into meat. Put ham on a rack in a large roasting pan. Cover ham with parchment paper, then cover roasting pan with foil. Bake 1 3/4 hours.

Meanwhile, boil vinegar in a small saucepan until reduced to about 1 tablespoon. Remove from heat and whisk in honey, Worcestershire sauce, and thyme butter. Let honey glaze stand until ham has baked 1 3/4 hours.

Discard foil and parchment from ham. If there is no liquid in roasting pan, add 1 cup water (liquid will prevent glaze from burning in pan). Brush ham with half of honey glaze, then bake, uncovered, 30 minutes.

Brush with remaining glaze and bake until glaze is deep golden-brown and ham is heated through, about 30 minutes more. Gourmet Magazine.

okay; but as an appy? This is the one time you get to dye for eggs. Don't miss the opportunity. — okay; but **as an appy?** This is the one time you get to dye for eggs. Don’t miss the opportunity.